Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
