Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
