Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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