Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
