You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
