hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
