I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
