Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
