Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
