You're completely useless in the revolution.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
