just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
