She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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