and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Still dying that you shit outside
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
