just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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