During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
