She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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