Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
