I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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