My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Sober January is a disaster.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize