It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
