My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
