he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
