My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
