I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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