they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
