it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You are a genius and a whore.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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