I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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