Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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