I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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