I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
