Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
