You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
What did we do last night that was yellow?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
