Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
