Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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