he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
