I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
