This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
