My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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