No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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