there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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