a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
