I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
