I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
