He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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