im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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