it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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