Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize