oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
did i just pee glitter
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
