In the future we'll all be gay
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
