the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
