i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize