Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
