so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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