I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize