Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
