i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
