I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
this hospital has no fireball
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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