Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
