Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
