whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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