can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
