I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I want to be your penis for a week.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
