Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
