what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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