I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
