I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
