Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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