bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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