1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
