JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
